Stress and Relationships

I am incredibly fascinated with Positive Psychology, the study of what helps people thrive and do well. A key finding in Positive Psychology was powered by the Harvard Study on Adult Development, a longitudinal study (since 1938!) that found that relationships are key to a thriving life. I recommend watching Robert Waldinger’s very informative short video on this study. 

One of the examples Robert Waldinger gives in this video is how people react to stressful events after the event is over. For professionals, this could be a stressful meeting such as a review, a difficult conversation, or a decision that needed to be made. After a stressful experience like this, our minds and bodies don’t just shrug it off and skip and jump to the next thing. There is often a sense of relief (that it’s over, that it went well) or a sense of aftershock (if it didn’t go well), but either way, we need some time for our heart rates to normalize, for us to process what happened, and simply to recenter. Different people have different ways of dealing with this “post stress.” One of my colleagues goes on short walks (how healthy!). Some people, including myself sometimes, hide and stress eat. Some people mindlessly scroll social media.

In the video on the Harvard Study on Adult development, Dr. Waldinger explains that people who rely on a close friend or family member to process such events tend to be healthier (both in mind and body). This got me thinking — why don’t more of us rely on each other to process stressful work events, especially not in the moment? Why do some of us hide and stress eat instead? I believe one big reason is that as leaders, it’s simply expected of us that we deal with such experiences as a matter of course — they are part of our jobs, after all. Coming to a colleague shows vulnerability that we might not be ready to show. Relatedly, we may not want to interrupt a close colleague/friend/family member with something so “trivial” — after all, we’re all busy!

Next time you find yourself in a “post stress” situation, try out something new — reach out to a friend or colleague and just let them give you a (virtual) hug to help you process. Let’s see what happens. I’d love for you to share your learnings with me! Get in touch at katharina.probst.coach@gmail.com.