Leading with integrity

For many leaders, one of the hardest things to do is to have tough conversations. For example, it’s much easier to avoid and be nice, rather than have the conversation about where someone is falling short of the expectations placed on them by the job. In some sense, it means that this leader cares about the feelings of their employee, and that is a good thing. There are certainly leaders who don’t, and who as a result don’t shy away from putting others down and piling on the negative feedback. But there are other leaders who find reasons not to have tough conversations. Maybe they fear that the employee will leave for a different job and leave them hanging. Maybe they’re afraid of saying the wrong thing. Or maybe they just don’t relish the prospect of a hard conversation.

I’ve long been a believer that good leaders must lead with their values, and be true to their values. I heard this consistently from clients, too. If you act contrary to your values, you will experience negative effects like shame, stress, and more. A core value for many of us is integrity. But are you acting with integrity if you avoid the tough conversation? Most likely you aren’t. Imagine that for weeks, you dread every 1:1 conversation with your employee because you know that you owe them an explanation and/or some honest feedback. Imagine how you will feel after you’ve passed up yet another opportunity to have this conversation. You’ll probably feel that you took the easy way out in the near term, and you know you didn’t act with integrity. What you’re doing isn’t good for the employee, the team, or you. As you reflect on this at night when you can’t sleep, what is it that keeps you awake? Is it that your employee and your team are getting short-changed by your leadership (and you’re really delaying their growth?). Or are your thoughts more self-centered: you let yourself down by acting against your values?

It’s probably a mix of both for most of us. So next time you find yourself dreading a tough conversation, try to remember that a “values hangover” will await you at 2 a.m. when you can’t sleep, and get the tough stuff done.